According to Ethanoic Acid
Original Words and Music by Freddie Mercury


Is this the real life?  Is this just fantasy?!
Caught in a laaaand-slide of pH and acidity;
Open your eyes to strong alkalis and seeeeeeeeeeeee….
I’m just a weak acid - say Bronsted and Lowry -
Because my protons aren't keen to go 
(My Ka’s very low):
Anywhere H+ goes doesn’t really matter to meeeeeee -
In theory.

Mama, just been dissolved,
I’ve lost some of my H+
(Though, admittedly, not much),
Mama, once I had protons,
And now I've gone and formed ethanoate...
Mama, oo-ooo-ooo-ooh,
Didn't mean to ionise:
If I'm not back again with all my protons
Carry on, carry on,
'Cos I'm only a weak acid.

Too late - my time has come,
It's a dissociation
That won't go to completion;
Goodbye, methyl orange - you've got to go
Got to go a dodgy red and face the truth...
Mama, oo-ooo-ooo-oooooh;
I’ve been ionised,
I wish I didn’t dissociate at aa-aa-aaaall…

I see a little silhouetto of a base -
Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do a titration?!
So many indicators,
We’ll have to choose one later.  Ping!
Phenolphthalein!! Phenolphthalein!
Phenolphthalein!  Phenolphthalein!
Phenolphthalein, here we go!
Methyl yello-o-o-o-ow…
I’m just a weak acid, nobody loves me -
He’s just a weak acid, from Organic Chemistry,
He won’t dissociate com-plet-e-ly!

Acids and alkalis - will you neutralise?!
We’re hydroxides!! - We will not neutralise!
Hydroxides!! - We will not neutralise!
Hydroxides! - We will not neutralise!
Will not neutralise!
Will not neutralise, oh never never neutrali-i-i-i-i-i-ise,
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!
Oh Bronsted-Lowry, Bronsted-Lowry
Bronsted-Lowry, neutralise!
Ethanoate has a buffer put aside for me, for me,

(Dum diddly diddly diddly etc. - that’s meant to be the instrumental bit, in case you didn’t guess…)

So you think you can be half my conjugate pair!!!
So you take half my protons to goodness-knows-where!
Oh, Kb, can’t do this to me, Kb,
Just got to get out,
Just got to get right out of he-e-ere!!

Oo-oo-oooh, ooh yeah, oo-oo-ooh yeah;
I'm only a weak acid -
Anyone can see -
Only a weak acid…
Only a weak acid....
Poor me.
Anywhere H+ gooooooooooooes....



© Aimee Hartnell, May 1999